Are You Aware?

I was reading an article from a magazine in the Dr.’s office waiting room that mentioned “Genital Awareness” month, once I stopped giggling, I started thinking about when I was growing up, I never heard of awareness days. So being the ever curious person that I am, I came home and started to do some research. I was amazed at what I found, there is an awareness day for almost every single day of the year.

January has National Blood Donor, Cervical Cancer, and Poison Prevention. These I thought were pretty informational and helpful things for me to be aware of. But it also has National Thank Your Customers and Hunt for Happiness, as well as, NYC Restaurant week. What do I do if I don’t have customers to thank or I’m not sure where to hunt for my happiness? And I’ve never even been to New York.

February has Women’s Heart Health, and Black History. Then there’s Library Lovers, Plant Seeds of Greatness, Time Management, and National Weddings. Couldn’t they for the sake of time throw the Time Management and Weddings together? Maybe get married in a library and that will cover Library Lovers too. I’m not even sure about the whole Plant Seeds of Greatness thing. Where would a person purchase these seeds? I’m not thinking in the Lawn & Garden at Wal-Mart.

March has American Red Cross, which if admirable and we all know the good work they do. I’d be more willing to give to the Red Cross than to Steroid Abuse Prevention, which is also in March. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and National Caffeine awareness are in March also. Those two could totally be combined in one day where volunteers could just pass out espresso to tired people. And Genital Awareness Month is the last week in March. If they don’t feel like enough of America is aware of their genitals, it may sometimes go over into the first week of April.

April has a bunch of serious, worth while awareness days, Autism, Child Abuse Prevention, and Public Health. There’s also Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Cancer Control. April is also Jazz Appreciation and Alcohol Awareness. Anyone who’s ever been to a jazz club is aware of alcohol. When is Mardi Gras, anyway? May has a few good ones too. Like Motorcycle Safety and Arthritis. Then we have International Victorious Woman. Are they kidding? What does that even mean? I feel mildly Victorious just getting that all out correctly. Then there’s Shoes for Orphans, Better Sleep, Better Hearing and Speech, and Ultra Violet Awareness.

June has National Cancer Survivors and Adopt-A-Shelter Cat. It also has National Headache Awareness and National Celibacy Awareness. Those two could totally be observed in one day, why stretch it out for those of us who do enjoy sex without excuses. I think we were scraping the bottom of the barrel to fill as many days up in July as possible. We’ve got Cell Phone Courtesy and Vehicle Theft Protection. Cell Phone Courtesy? You could turn that into an entire year of awareness and that would not change the fact that you’re going to get stuck in a grocery line with someone who thinks they have to yell to be heard on the other end. So you stand there trying not to make eye contact while they give the person they’re talking to a run down of what’s in their basket, where they’re going after this, and what crappy thing happened to them at work that day.

August is when you see everyone sporting those cute little pink bows we all know so well, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness, as well as Cataract Awareness. If you don’t take care of one, you can’t see the other! It’s also National Preparedness Month, who thought of that, the boy scouts? September has 5-A-Day, I’m only hoping they mean vegetable servings? And there’s Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week, the subs get short changed even on their awareness, I bet the full time teachers get a whole month of awareness.

October is a busy month, full of Rett Syndrome, World Blindness, Interstitial Cystitis, Lupas and Liver, and Depression Screening. Which the only one I was even vaguely familiar with was the Depression. Did Scarlet O’ Hara have Rett Syndrome? I’ve never heard of it. But then again, that doesn’t say much, you could fill a stadium full of things I’ve never heard of. October is also Halloween Safety Month, glad they put that in October, it’d lose some of it’s importance if they had it in July.

Now, we’ve come to November and December. As if we all don’t have enough to be aware of during those months as it is. I’m way too busy hunting around for a cheap 20lb turkey to worry about it being National Game and Puzzle week, or trying to get beat the old woman in front of me to the last bag of sage stuffing to worry about it being World Kindness Day. December is always a busy month for me, almost every other person in my family, including me, was born in December. You can really tell what the couples in my family were up to in the month of March! But that’s another story for another time. So why would I care if it’s Learn a Foreign Language or Colorectal Cancer Awareness month while I‘m busy trying to buy things I can‘t afford for people I see once a year?

If someone were to publish a calendar with every single awareness day marked, it would be the size of a phone book. I barely skimmed the surface on all the awareness days and weeks and months we have nowadays. I still don’t feel very aware, and I’m sure the lady in the grocery store line in front of me, yelling in to the cell phone, isn’t very aware either.