Snacking with a dangerous weapon?

Ok, I swear I'm not making this up. I was reading my local paper today and there was an article about a Shelbyville, Tennessee couple that got into a fight using Cheetos. Cheetos, those delicious little orange crunchy things that aren't' just for breakfast anymore.
It just blew my mind that this couple could fight using Cheetos and actually have the police respond and both were arrested for domestic assault. I'd love to read that paperwork. Assault with a deadly snack food? How much damage can you honestly do with a Cheeto? Grind them in your partner's eye so they'll spend an hour trying to get out the orange Cheeto dust? Maybe the picture of Chester Cheetah on the bag looked menacing to them and they just felt full of rage. I just can't help but think they must have been on something else. Either that or they were off their meds entirely.
When I was married and my husband would do something that made me want to scream. The last thing on my mind was getting a bag of snack food and waiting for him to get home. I mean you could keep the Cheetos in the bag and just slap them upside the head with them. But you better be prepared to run, because I've enjoyed Cheetos all my life, and trust me, you cannot knock someone out with them.
I think if someone really made me mad, I wouldn't go for Cheetos. I'd probably wop them with a bag of Grape Nuts or something. Have you ever eaten Grape Nuts? Those things are like little tiny gravel, they just lay at the bottom of the bowl. You could really do some damage with Grape Nuts. Or maybe go the candy route, hit em with a jawbreaker, at least they've got a bit more substance to them than Cheetos.
I wonder what the responding officers had to deal with when they arrived on the scene of the Cheeto attack? This is the police, drop the Cheetos, wipe your fingers off, and place them on your head! Well, I just felt obligated to share my view on the whole Cheeto incident, it's definitely "chuckle worthy".