Parental Extortion

Anyone who has children knows what I mean. Bartering with your kids to get them to do something or behave in a certain way. When they're young it's candy or cartoons, then toys. When they get older it gets a little harder to get past the eyeball rolls and the heaving sighs. They just want to be left alone. This narrows our options as parents. You can result to cold hard cash, but then with my kids, they'll nickel and dime me to death. We'll stand there haggling over how much they think running the vacuum is worth. According to my kids, their hourly wage is right up there with my Doctor's. I could afford to call him up and get him to vacuum my living room easier and cheaper than my kids.

My son is particularly difficult to barter with. He doesn't want anything. Money means nothing. All he wants to do is stay in his room i.e. his "man-cave" and play video games. He swaps games with his friends and is completely content. So, when he came to me the other day asking me for something, my ears perked up immediately. What kind of parent would I be if I didn't see an opportunity to use his request as leverage to get him to do something I want? I know to some this may seem extremely opportunistic and manipulative. But raising my children has been an all out mind game, battle of the wits. My children are exactly like me. They've been messing with me as long as they've been able to form a cognitive thought. So in return, I mess with them. No risk of taking the high road with me. If I want the trash taken out or the yard mowed, or fish that mystery floating dead thing outta the pool, I better have something in my arsenal to barter with.

My son asked me to sign up for GameFly. I had no idea what this was. I'm an addict of Netflix so he explained that it's just like that except with video games. This was music to my ears! An ongoing monthly bartering tool I could hang over his head! I acted reluctant just to make him sweat but as soon as he left the room, my fingers were on fire signing up. I was so excited to tell him that he'll get his subscription as soon as the yard is mowed. And the games will keep coming as long the grass doesn't grow past my ankles. When my cats are stalking thru my grass like they're hunting prey on the Serengeti, the grass is too long.




So that's my newest, most wonderful tool that I've added to my parenting arsenal. You've probably noticed I've put one of their ads on my blog. Now all I have to do is find something that my daughter is interested in on a monthly basis....